Hey, Colleen! How've you been?!

It's been a really long time since I've actually written a "how I'm feeling/doing" post vs. the "what I've been up to" post. I figured now was as good a time as any, since it's one of those very rare moments where I don't have anything to do within the next 15 minutes.

I'm...exhausted. My life is getting up, doing work for job#2, which is a content writing gig I did full time all summer on a project by project basis. It ended the day before I went to San Diego in July and when I got back, nothing was going on and I got a new job that's actually outside of my house and around people and legitimate in that we all know where all the money comes from and none of my bosses have 'questionable' past endeavors that I know of and it has benefits and means I have to actually shower every day. 2 weeks after I started job #1, which is working as a medical receptionist in shithole Riverhead (the traffic gives me rage every morning. 15 miles from home and I have to leave 30-35 minutes early grrr), I got approached from job #2 about another 6 week long project. I figured, "Hell, I want to move to NC and I want as much money as possible beforehand, so why not take on 2 jobs that require 40 hours a week each?" So I get up early, do job #2, go for a run, shower, do any loose ends from job #2, leave at 10:30am for job#1, take my break there 2-3pm and do work #2 during that time with Internet that I steal from the parking lot, go back in for work #1 until 7pm, when I go home and work on job #2 from 7:45pm until I'm at a stopping point for the night. The rest of my life is filled with airports and podcasting and weekends that go all too quickly, where I'm actually still spending a decent amount of Jay & my's "down time" doing work for job#2. And the 6-week gig ended the first weekend of Oct, but now there's more to do again.

So yeah, that's how I've been. Busy, exhausted, and getting more wound up by the day. Add into that friends who make me feel like absolute shit because they think I don't like them anymore no matter how many times I explain that that's what my life is right now. Everyone is busy and works a lot; no matter what the state of the economy is, I know that everyone feels that way at some point. But I don't like the million "Wow you're alive" comments, like I don't know/feel stressed out as it is that I don't get to see them as frequently anymore. I'm tired. I really don't spend all of my other weekends hanging out with other friends you think I like better than you & I need you to understand this and cut me some slack here. I spend it doing work (like the literal 27 hours I logged in from Friday night to Monday morning on a new project that I was told would be like a one day thing) or traveling. I need a good 2 weeks notice for things nowadays. I'm trying to keep track of plane ticket prices and balancing my schedule to actually make time to get my car fixed, go to the denist and doctors and gyno and all those things I haven't done in way too long. I'm trying to keep track of apartments and job openings in Raleigh so that when the time comes that I feel like I can go, I know exactly what's what. I was supposed to start writing my book series back in effing JULY & nothing's been done since like the third week of August. I have too many things on my mind and it makes me uptight and tense and I just plain have forgotten HOW to relax in general and I see it happening and I hate it. I've gotten bitchy and boring and not really much fun at all anymore, but that's just how it is.

The only reason I haven't totally cracked by now is because I know that it'll pass. It's just not passing fast enough, haha.