Ramblings of a Long Island Girl.

Satirical. Inappropriate. Sometimes crude. Bitchy. Rambling. You know how I do.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Calling Clay Aiken Fans.

Clif has an announcement and I drunkenly try to bring a joke back from the dead, much like the person deity it's about.

I'm not going to pretend that this is interesting, but I the battle at the end makes me giggle.

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Monday, September 29, 2008

...And Found

'Nuff said.


Friday, September 26, 2008

Thanks St. Anthony


Where on EARTH was it? Well, here's the full story:

As you may or may not know, I lost the ring that Jay gave me two weeks ago to this day. I've been absolutely devastated and massively, embarrassingly emo about it. I've been looking and re-looking everywhere, every day. I knew that it was in my room somewhere, but it was nowhere to be found at all. The bare basics are I had it on my desk right before I went to bed. I had moved my lamp onto the ground the night before and when I woke up early that Thursday morning, I moved my lamp back onto my desk and knocked into the ring. I didn't know what fell - I just heard a noise of something hitting the ground - and when I went to put it on a few hours later, realized that's what had fallen. I had looked at the ground at the time it fell, but didn't see anything and was so in need of coffee and a good morning urination that I didn't even bother to look at the time.

When I realized what had fallen, I freaked out hard core. I couldn't find it ANYWHERE that morning. My dad was still home and he helped me look and finally, I was late to work and had to halt the search til that evening. No luck. The next day, Friday Sept 12, I had to go to my grandparents' house in Syosset to spend the night because I was driving to LaGuardia Airport early early the next morning to go to Raleigh to visit Jay. I'm not gonna lie: I seriously was on the verge of having a breakdown those few days because I was just so upset. I returned home from Raleigh relaxed and hopeful that I'd find it. But still no luck. We looked EVERYWHERE. In the sheets, in the bed frame, through the garbage (Friday was a garbage day and my mom had dumped all of the garbage from our rooms into the main trash can outside that morning), in everything under my bed, in the lamp, in every drawer - open or closed at the time - , in my closet, through every shoe, in the wall, in the pipes, in the radiator, everywhere. I'm way anal and I need to put all of my clothes away before I go to bed every night, so although there were no clothing with pockets out at the time, we still looked anyway.

Then there were a few things that I guess put this into motion from the Universe.

Last night, as I went to bed, I moved my lamp again (I've been re-creating it every morning with no luck - I'm seriously fucking crazy) and had the idea to look inside it once again. But it was on and really hot from the light bulb and it was late, so I made a mental note to look this morning. Last week - circa last Wednesday or Thursday - I declared my hatred for this lamp, which was my mom's when she was a kid & I've had forever. I think I even tried to punch it. It's a nice, ceramic lamp with roses painted on it. I even swore about 82 times that I hated looking at it, hated it, wanted it gone from my room because I blamed it for knocking my ring into oblivion.

Prior to this thought, I was doing my usual masochistic moping and decided to search on eBay for the same ring. I found it here and told Jay about it. Because it was like $50 at the time - and white gold (mine is sterling silver) - he offered to get me this one as a replacement. I decided against it, then changed my mind, then decided against it again, then changed my mind. Finally, I decided against it before we went to bed. He was wonderful as usual and said that he'd do it anyway if it didn't get crazy expensive.

So this morning, I decided to search through my parents room and then the laundry room. My sheets had been moved to the laundry room that morning that my ring was lost, before I realized it was gone. My mom, who along with my dad, has been incredibly helpful and tolerant these past few weeks, had brought the sheets upstairs to her room and carefully laid them out on her own bed in order to see if the ring was stuck there. Since probably the Monday I got back from Raleigh (Sept 15) & couldn't find it, I've been desperately thinking of places it could have been. So this morning, I looked in their room just in case it had fallen there without her noticing and I moved the washing machine and looked through it, just in case it had fallen there.

I had no luck and then I basically had an emotional breakdown. I mean, I was sobbing in the shower and on the way to work. I was talking to Jay about how it was gone and he, as my parents and grandma have maintained, said that I had to have faith and believe I'd find it. I just had a complete panic attack over it and couldn't breathe and totally lost it in a way that I hadn't before. I guess I just completely lost hope at that point. He again offered to get the white gold version of the ring on eBay and I freaked out more, saying how it wasn't mine, I wanted MINE back, I couldn't wear one that belonged to someone else. He managed to convince me that once he gave it to me, it would become mine and it would be okay. We agreed that if it stayed under $100, he would get it. He made a bid with 10 minutes left for $100 right before he went to make a presentation in class (thank you Steve Jobs for inventing the iTouch), but someone outbid him for $102 at the last minute. He was disappointed that he didn't win it, but I was for the first time, very calm about it.

Maybe it was thanks to all the crying this morning or maybe it was because I had some sense of faith finally, but I realized when I went on break and he told me how sad he was that he didn't win it that it just wasn't meant to be. I knew then that if he didn't win it, then it wasn't meant to be. And the reason it wasn't meant to be was because I'd eventually find it. That was the first time in two weeks that I came to some kind of acceptance about it possibly being gone for a long time. I still looked this evening when I got home, as I have done for the last 2 weeks, but I didn't freak out or cry at all.

I was sitting here around 11pm and saw that the top of my lamp was slightly off. Now, I've noticed this every night for the last week since I tried to take it out behind the bleachers, but been too "fuck you, lamp" to really do anything about fixing it. But when I looked at it tonight, I remembered how I wanted to search inside it again. So I looked in and saw something. It didn't look out of the ordinary, but I figured I had to fix it because it IS an old, nice lamp and I should act 24-years-old and fix it. I took the cover off and saw that this thing in there wasn't gold, like the trim of the lamp, but silver. So I took it apart further and guess what?!?!?!?!?! I knew a split second before my hand met it, but still couldn't believe it til I saw it. That's why it wouldn't fit back in the correct way last week!!


I promptly started screaming with glee (isn't glee a great word) and danced around my house until my parents and Katelyn told me to shut up so they could go to bed. Thank you to everyone who put up with all of my incredibly emo and borderline breakdown-like behavior and texts and Twitters about this ring. Naturally, I haven't taken it off since I found it lol.

And you know what? I swear it doesn't even feel like I ever went 14 days without wearing it.

Pictures to explain. I think if you click on them, they'll enlarge:


Thursday, September 25, 2008

The Ring on the Milk Carton

At least my boyfriend has a sense of humor about it, even if I don't:

How can I get this on a milk carton?

P.S. My room has become comparable to Homeland Security and/or TSA. Nothing gets in or out of it without being searched fully and routine searches and re-searches of areas of the room (aka all of it) are conducted daily. And just like in the real world, all that's come of it nothing substantial has turned up and I'm delayed getting to places I need to be.

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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The Universe's Easy Target

So upon waking up to learn that this is the 4th straight week that we have a problem with MetroBuzz that may require re-recording (at least it wasn't my computer this time lol), I check the weather forecast for the weekend. I'm flying out of Islip on Long Island to Raleigh late late late on Friday night and guess what? Yup, it's supposed to rain in NY, Philadelphia (where my layover is) and Raleigh, where I'm supposed to arrive at 12:19am. If I were flying from LGA, I'd automatically plan to be delayed or cancelled, but since I've yet to fly out of Islip, I'm remaining optimistic...somewhat. I tell Jay about the yet again screwed up podcast and the bad weather and - pairing this up with my still missing ring ("St. Anthony, St. Anthony, stick around...") and some other news that we got yesterday morning that bummed us out - he goes:
"I think the universe has the most fun fucking with you because you have the best reactions."
Yeah. That's probably true. I should work on that.

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Monday, September 22, 2008

Drinking Water in Raleigh

Nothing better than a poorly shot video in a darkened bar. We have fun though.

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Sunday, September 21, 2008

Kittens at Play

I've been meaning to post these videos all week long, but haven't had a free moment to. When I was in Raleigh last weekend, I decided to go all mom on the kittens and take videos. Are they cute videos? Yes. Are they probably interesting to everyone else in the world but me? Not at all. But this is my blog and I'm apologetically showing off Ledger & Jasper the kittens. Little Zoe the kitten was camera shy (aka still sleeping). Ledge is the gray one and Jasper is the white one.


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Sunday, September 14, 2008

You Know Times Are Tough When...

Jay & I saw this in a parking lot in Raleigh yesterday:

Hurricane Ike has knocked out one of the oil reserves that services the Southeastern U.S., so some gas stations are shut down while others have raised the prices higher than New York prices and set a $40 limit per trip.

But to have to sell your Hummer and advertise it in a parking lot? Now I know just how tough times are...

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Friday, September 12, 2008

Oh where, oh where can my ring be found?

So in the last 2 days, I've
  1. Lost my ring. It fell off of my desk yesterday morning and when I realized what fell, I couldn't find it ANYWHERE. I've taken apart my bed, bed frame, sheets, radiator, gone through the garbage, gone through every drawer that was open (and closed), all my clothes, taken every single item out of my closet, and even gone through the laundry & entire garbage, since today was a garbage day & my room's garbage got consolidated with the house's garbage. It's absolutely nowhere. Even my parents have now admitted (they and my sister have helped search my room and the house yesterday and today) that it seemingly has fallen off of my desk & disappeared into thin air. I'm beyond upset because that ring had such special meaning to me; I actually asked God this morning to "Take my iPod instead." Yeah, THAT'S how much I mean business. I just don't get it: something falls on the floor; you HEAR it fall, yet it disappears completely. Does anyone have any other suggestions on where I can look?
  2. After waking up every hour last night after dreaming of places I found my ring, then getting up to check to see if it was prophetic or not, I finally got up at 7am & searched everything, including the garbage, again. I took a break to take a walk through the woods near my house, only to realize after an hour, with about 10 minutes til I got back to my car, that I did not have my car key with me. Thinking that it was lost somewhere in the woods, I called my sister Katelyn, who came with spare keys. The key was sitting on the seat the entire time, but I still had to wait til she came bc I was locked out.
  3. Temporarily lost my sunglasses before leaving for work. Found them after much searching on the seat of my car. Was still 8 minutes late for work.
  4. This post has taken ages to write. Why? Because I'm a dumbass who spilled beer on her computer keyboard while still looking for her ring & the "S" key does not work correctly now. This is what happens: swswsssssssssssssssswswssssssss asw (that should say "was" here is "say": sway). If you're going to cause my computer to further deteriorate, world, then at least let me look down on the ground right now and see my ring shining brightly up at me. Nope, nothing.
I'm leaving for Raleigh tomorrow morning on US Airways from LGA at 9:05am & returning home Monday morning on at 7am flight for work at 11am. It's gonna rain all weekend. Wish me luck, karma, prayers, etc.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to buy a lottery ticket.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

VM (Yawn) A's 2008

Let's talk about the VMAs and how Russell Brand's constant reminder of the current state of our country has made me realize that the exact same thing can be sad about the boring piece of crap that was this year's MTV Video Music Awards.

Where to start, where to start? I know! How about with Britney Spears!
  • The obvious: She looked way better than she has in a long time. Her ass, admittedly, was out of control in a good way. Some more of the obvious: WTF?! First, Mariah Carey, now Britney! It's so nice to see that MTV cannot be bought out by publicists and managers at all. And be so charitable! She won her first 3 VMAs ever for a song and video that she basically had no part in other than just showing up and not throwing a fit. Britney's had FAR better music videos than "Piece of Me" - ones that she's actually had a sober hand in making. "Toxic" anyone? Even "Oops I Did It Again" - Titanic necklace and all - deserved to win over that video. Britney's win just goes to show that even in the real world, people's self-esteems are pampered to, just as though they were given an honorable mention in the 5th grade science fair.
Russell Brand
  • Just...not funny. He tried way too hard (that's what she said). The political jokes and the Jonas Brother jokes may have been funny if they hadn't been repeated so many times. He made me laugh twice: The first time was when he called Michael Phelps a "real life Aquaman" and the second time was so hilarious that I can't even remember it right now. But seriously, the Jonas Brothers/purity rings gag was just overdone. And ridiculously annoying because they weren't even good.


  • Awesome as always. Thanks to Rachel VC, I do love me some Pink. That song is catchy.
Jordin Sparks
  • Still couldn't tell you any of her music that isn't "Tattoo" (and I only know that song when it gets to the chorus), but I give her mad props for going off-script and telling Russell Brand to shut the f*ck up about the purity ring jokes. Because we were all thinking it anyway.
Katy Perry
  • She looked adorable, but I really wanted her to sound good and she just didn't do anything for me. I was hoping to at least sing along with her cover of "Like a Virgin" but MTV only showed the first verse of it and then cut to commercial, before coming back in from commercial and showing us the last chorus of "I Kissed a Girl." I wonder if that was also to cover the fact that she didn't sound much better than a Simpson performance. Maybe I'm being too critical, but girl didn't prove herself to me.

Miley Cyrus

  • Is she 16 years old or is she 30 years old? Also, who told that girl that she knew how to sing?


  • Thank goodness for Kanye's lack of short term memory because he, as ususal, kicked ass. Too bad he wasn't featured more so.
Lindsay Lohan
  • Looked and sounded sober. Good for her.
Back to what I said in the beginning, comparing the change we need in this country vs. the VMAs, it's pretty straight forward: Re-vamp your channel to play music again or at least a healthy balance of music and television shows and don't make every awards show seem like its geared only for 14-year-olds. That's how you get people to watch them. That's all I've got for now. My brain hurts. Though MTV did get huge ratings for this year's show, probably because everyone tuned in to see Britney Spears.


Tuesday, September 02, 2008

You Can't Always Get What You Want

Another Labor Day weekend has come and gone. Jay came up to NY again, just like last year, but this year, we stayed at my aunt's house on Long Island. It actually totally rocked because she's in Key West (hello and goodbye, Gustav) til next Monday, so we got to play house for a few days. In no particular order, we watched the second season of The X-Files because we're cool like that, played with the dog (I'm technically dog sitting), played in the pool, went Down Port with Ian, Matero, & Bobby, braved a trip to the Outback (which we swore off back in January after we went 3 times in one week), ate McNulty's (greatest ice cream ever), partook in a croquet battle with my family for my mom's birthday (don't ask), scared ourselves into being awake all night because we thought we heard a noise that ended up being the dog sitting down heavily at 4am, and ate an entire pizza/order of garlic knots from Alfredo's in one sitting (ugh). Dropped him off at the airport at 6am this morning, boooo. Now I don't know what to do with myself alone here for the next week, but at least I'll be in Raleigh in 12 days. Countdown commences.

Anyway, for some work anecdotes:
  • A man told me last week that I look like the type of person who is "used to getting her way by charming people or by not charming people" and that he bet that I was the "youngest in my family and the only girl." Umm, that could not be further from the truth on either account. 1) I cannot look like someone used to getting my way because a) there is a reason that I am not in sales, but rather a writer and that is because I am horrible at expressing what I want while I am speaking outloud and b) That's why I get so high strung sometimes; because I don't know how to charm my way into getting what I want, so I just freak out about stuff not working out before I even give it a chance! So WHATeva playa. 2) I am NOT the youngest in my family, nor the only girl. In fact, I am the OLDEST of THREE girls and a neutered dog. Pffft. Smart ass.
  • A woman who brings her mother in twice a week was talking to me about Broadway. This woman begins to tell me about the Broadway revival of "South Pacific" and then goes on to mock whisper, "It must have been GAY night!!!" Without even really giving it much thought, I kinda said to myself, "Well, duh, you went to see a Broadway musical." Then she continue, however, to declare, "SERIOUSLY, I do not care WHAT you do in your own private home but I do NOT wish to see you hold hands or do other sexual things in public!!" That was at the point where I gave up.
Okay, many more to follow, I am sure. The end for now!

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