Enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute

I've been working on this stupid post for the last week & a half. I did this same thing last year on my MySpace blog (back when I still paid attention to MySpace more than twice a month). You take 15 (or in this case, 20) people & write down something that you'd like to say to them, except it's completely anonymous. NO names. It's supposed to be an exercise in getting things off your chest (not like I haven't done enough of that since I started this blog lol). Anyway, I just reread the first one I did & a lot has changed since last year. It's funny how life is. I'm not saying who's who. You can try to guess (that'd be fun for me), but I'm not saying anything. Some are going to be very, very easy to figure out, others not so much. I love ambiguity.

1. The message you left me in Nov. was one of the most touching things that anyone has ever said to me, which is somewhat ironic considering most people would never guess that you're the type to say such sweet things.

2. It's been explained to me many, many times by many, many mutual friends, but I still don't understand why you resented me so much in the first place. My offenses have been either unintentional or reactionary to how you treat me. I wish things could be different, whether you believe that or not.

3. I'm still ever so grateful that you never got involved in any of the drama a few years back; I was so scared that you'd write me off as crazy & take sides because I had done my fair share of damage for years. I'll always consider you an older sister, a role model & a great person to have an adventure with.

4. I've never really thanked you for your startingly quick perception & subsequent speedy reaction at my graduation party. Thank you. Your genuine reaction(s) meant so much more than I can express without getting more mushy - and we both hate mushy, so I'm gonna stop.

5. To the other extremely observant, fast stair-climbing friend: I can't think of a better person to start my "real world" life with, if we can ever actually get it started. And by "we" I mean "I".

6. I miss you. I know everything's different & you can't be friends with me like you used to be, but I miss you & that's why I'm so hard on you. It's selfish, I know.

7. I'm proud of you. Your strength & determination hasn't gone unnoticed. Thank you for getting me out of a very bad situation. I know you warned me repeatedly not to get into it in the first place, but not saying "I told you, it's your own fault" (maybe bc you knew I knew it immediately) is a credit to your character.

8. Ever since I started to realize & accept it, I just can't stop saying it, secretly hoping you'll read it & understand (though the chances of you seeing this are very slim): You made the right choice. You're happy, which now makes me smile. I could never have done that, but I really did want to.

9. You changed my attitude the most by letting me just be a miserable son-of-a-bitch all summer & then socratically tricking me into being ME again. I have no idea how you managed that, but 100 gold stars for you. Every bad place yields a positive. Ah, allusion & metaphor: How appropo.

10. I've come to understand you & respect you. I'm sorry that you're so misunderstood by people, including a pre-6 months ago me. You don't deserve it, I wish there was something more I could do to make people see that. But things never stay the same, I promise.

11. If there was anyone I ever wished I was more like, it's you: confident, smart, sexy, self-aware. I don't think our group would have survived if you weren't the voice of reason. I love you, I wish you all the happiness in the world; Unite, fo' lyfe.

12. Take a break or you'll be more burned out & bitter in May than you can even imagine. Trust me. You're being foolish by thinking you can do it all & you're too talented to ruin it by stubbornly carrying the weight of it all.

13. You're one of my closest friends, but your self-loathing rubs off on me & further spurs my own neuroses. I think you love to be miserable more than anyone else that I know. Your insecurities are so unfounded.

14. The moment that I really knew you were truly a beautiful person (in addition to amazing friend) was the moment you called to "check up" on me, because I know you were in a very difficult position & could've easily ignored the entire thing. That, my dear, was massive karma points for you.

15. It's utterly amazing to think about how a year ago, we were calling each other lunatics & crying over whether or not we could salvage our friendship. It says a lot when you get through something like that even stronger, like it never even happened. I'm so glad we did bc I love you so much. "Breathe, just breathe"

16. I've spent the past 20 years wishing I could be more like you & that's the truth of the matter.

17. (A 2-fer) A good deal of my everyday conversations & thoughts are credited to you two. I must have been one uninteresting girl before you. I miss you guys & what we had the most.

18. If you're even reading this, I will be sincerely surprised. I wasn't going to even include you because I'd love the chance to talk to (not yell at) you, but c'est la vie. At least I can say something. To start, I'm just going to take the easy way out & quote my girl Fiona Apple: "First you run like a fool just to be at my side/Now you run like a fool but you just run to hide/And I can't abide." I'm truly sorry things worked out as they did, though I can't say you didn't warn me. I'm also very sorry for how I presented myself to you towards the end, since that wasn't the real me, just the one who was going through a confusing transition & dealing with hurt feelings. I'm actually pretty awesome. Friendship is always on the table. P.S. For someone who defines himself as "being laid back & going with the flow," you certainly spend enough energy fighting a lot of what fate throws your way, huh?

19. I hope this year, you finally figure yourself out because you're one of the most loyal & ambitious friends I've ever had, asshole.

20. You're too much like me for your own good; I hate that because I'm scared you'll fall into all the same ways to be as fucked up as I am. You're so much better than you can see.

Between my fist & my Pollyanna flower

How awesome is this picture?

Some more pictures & an article about such phenomenons. It's from July, but still crazy. Very symbolic of life in general, no? Kinda sums up the past year quite nicely, too...

Still seeking my source for some definitive

It's hard to believe that it's Dec. 20 already. It does NOT feel like Christmas is 5 days away AT ALL. I realized this last week & figured out why:

For the last 17 years of my life, Christmas time basically was characterized with everything winding down. School projects, tests, classes ending, teachers/professors/bus drivers/etc. giving out candy canes, holiday parties, all that stuff. But now, everything's just going on the same as it's been. Seriously, not being in school & still living at home while working at damn Ann Taylor really feels like I'm on perpetual summer vacation. It's just strange. It really doesn't feel like Christmas. I miss Marist.

P.S. Since Bobby's not having his annual New Years Eve party for the first time since forever, I have no clue what I'm doing for the first time since forever. So if anyone has any ideas they want to shoot my way, let me know. I think I have to house/dog sit for my aunt in Mt. Sinai again cause she's going to visit people in Buffalo for a few days, but I'm open for suggestions. I wish I could do that open bar Julia & Allison are doing in the Village, but it's waaaaay expensive & I know I'm going to have to end up working on New Years Day. :(

(Happy 23rd Birthday. -

12.20.83-5.17-98

*Nothing ever so common*)

Ever since I was little, it looked like fun

Ain't this the truth for all of us blessed with two X chromosomes:

Haha, at least I'm the first to admit that it's true.

Sunday Night Bitchfest

Today was one of those days. I worked my crappy job yesterday (Sat.) 3pm-11pm. Got home around 11:20pm. Had to get up at 5:30am to be at work again at 7am. Naturally, I couldn't fall asleep. Chatted with Princess Cupcake Assface Randy, John Norton & Bobby via AIM & tried for sleep for real around 1am. Finally, I was just about asleep when my phone rang at 1:52am. It's Tricia, calling from a party that I didn't go to bc of the whole 5:30am thing. It was at Chris Tryller, Mike Tuite & Matt Niegocki's house in Miller Place (I guess I missed the memo when they moved out of Ridge). I haven't seen them in a while so I should've gone. Alas, alack.

Usually, I send drunk dials to voice mail, for several reasons: 1) If I'm asleep; 2) If I'm bitter that I'm not the one inebriated; 3) The potential mockery/blackmailing of the recording is always promising. However, I had told Trish before she left work that if she needed a ride home, to just call me since MP is only like 10 minutes & I'd come get her if she really needed it. So I'm figuring that she's either 1) drunk & needing a ride or 2) drunk & wondering why I didn't end up going. Come to think of it, I don't think I preferred it to be either of those, so I'm not sure why I even answered, but I did. Then I was AWAKE again. Meh. I think I fell asleep around 2:30am.

There was absolutely NOTHING to do at work that early. Bill (one of my managers) was really sick with a stomach bug so I just sorta sat on the counters & read Glamour for 2 hours. 2 hours that I could've been sleeping but instead was reading the "30 Things Every Woman Should Know About Sex By Age 30". Very educational, particularly this one:

14. An oldie but a goodie: Kegels, Kegels, Kegels. If you do them, you’ll not only have stronger orgasms, you’ll also never again pee when you laugh.

FINALLY, A WAY FOR ME TO EXPRESS MY AMUSEMENT AND NOT BE WORRIED ABOUT SOILING MYSELF! YESSSSSS.

I wandered around on break in search of Grandma's Xmas gift (she wants a lipstick case of all things, go figure). No luck. After I got off at 3pm, Mom instructed me to get a manicure for an interview I have tomorrow. All I wanted to do was go for a run to destress & continue the lipstick case search at the mall. But I lose the battle & go.

Naturally, I'm there waiting for 35 minutes. When I'm up, I'm massively pissed bc I'm now starving from not really eating much all day (when I'm tired, I have no appetite) in addition to being pooped. To add to it, my mom was paying bc she was forcing me to waste my precious afternoon & I was instructed to get an appropriate, neutral color. Yeah, I'm one of those gals who love red & bright blue & purple nail polishes. This was not helping my mood. I also get the shitty manicurist bc the awesome one is of course busy. So I'm radiating little white girl bitch.

I continue tapping my foot in an impatient & obnoxious way when this woman walks in with some guy. She loudly announces, "I need two manicures, please! It's my husband's FIRST one! Can you believe he's NEVER HAD A MANI BEFORE?!"

Picture this: Blonde, ditzy, loud, LI accent, about 35, track suit...She wasn't all decked out by any means but she was a Shiela/Hera (2 characters Phil basically wrote for me in 05 & '06 for Festival, one act student written/acted/produced/directed plays, mainly bc I rock at emulating the stereotypical LI Italian/Jewish housewife being that I grew up surrounded by them.) So yes, Shiela/Hera is taking her hubby to get his nails did & announcing it to the world. There was an assertion about him needing a bikini wax too, but at that point, I wasn't going to ruin the sight of the poor guy getting his cuticles cut with the image of him & a bowl of hot wax.

I rush out of there & sit at every traffic light on 25A/347 on my way to the mall. I go to every single make up/accessories counter at Macy's with no luck. I'm still hungry, tired & frustrated. I needed to pick up my cousin Matt's gift, but I stopped to get a pretzel from Auntie Anne's. The line's long. I'm about to order when this little asshole punk about 10 cuts me. NOT happy. I start to say something when his fat, bossy mother appears. I turn to tell her that her brat needs to wait in line like everyone else. But I realize as I open my mouth that I don't need to get into a fight with a pushy LI soccer mom a week before Christmas. So I just snap to the pretzel guy, "That kid just cut in front of me, right?" Then Soccer Mama starts yelling at him for giving Dudley a cinnamon pretzel when he wanted a salted one. (BULLSHIT, I heard the kid ask for cinnamon. Keep your fucking kid under control, lady.)

Whatever. I'm still in a shitty mood, pushing through the masses to get a damn Hot Topic gift certificate. Can I just say that it's the most unorganized store ever? 3 people behind the counter, none of whom can figure out how to ring up customers in a timely fashion. And when did HT get such shit? I was never a HT shopper, but dug some of their stuff. Hell, the negleige I wore for Rocky Horror Show is from there & I looked f'ing hot in that thing. I have the "JEM" & the "Cowbell" shirt. Granted, I haven't been in one in over a year, but damn, the quality has gone down. I'm still hungry so while passing by Lindt's I figure "Hell, I'll get myself a dark chocolate truffle to nurse my annoyance." Yeah, so it came to like $.43 & I only had $.42. Does the girl cut me a break on the penny? No, of course not. I really wanted that chocolate so I sucked it up & broke the $1.

At least today is over. I "wasn't allowed" to call out tomorrow for my interview, so I had to agree to go in from 8am-12pm THEN get on a train to go into Manhattan (why does it feel like I'm spending more of my non-Ann Taylor time in the city than I am on LI?) I need to finally move to Brooklyn with Amanda. Someone find me a real job, I'm getting tired of looking. Anything journalism or PR would be swell. Bonus if it involves entertainment or theatre. I'll buy you TWO truffles. And have my little sister bake you brownies; she makes awesome brownies...

Damien Rice: Part Duex

Update of Damien Rice show:

I heart YouTube. Here's some more vidoes from our show. Woot woot.

Woman Like a Man - set the tone for the rest of the night. Gets more intense towards the end.

Insane - It's only part of it, but I didn't get any of the song on video so have fun.

9 Crimes - Honestly, the song got lost in translation, still good but sounded better live.

The Blower's Daughter - I got most of the song, but if you wanted to see the end of it, here ya go.

Cannonball - This completely unplugged version will break your heart. I can't even stress how much you need to watch this if you're a Damien Rice fan.

Amie - Not the crazy part at the end, but still bad ass.

Eskimo Friends - Not the biggest fan of the song, but still well done.

Rootless Tree - God, I love this show. Here's much more of it than I got.

*Not from the show I saw, but from the 2nd night at Beacon Theatre: they closed with "Cheers, Darlin'" and Damien & Lisa (and the rest of 'em) are just guzzling wine. It's priceless. Damn, I wish I could've gone both nights. :)

Rolling Stone's review.

Over-analytical Depressive Fuckers Make Good Music

Ok, so I just got back from seeing Damien Rice at Beacon Theatre with Amanda Giordano. It was really, really good. Probably about 384,201 times better than this summer at Jones Beach. I think that Damien & co. just don't have the type of music that can really be appreciated at a place like Jones Beach. The emotion & musical intricacies that really make the music so outstanding are just lost in a big outdoor venue like that.

Anyway, the show was awesome (yeah redundancy!). He interacted with the audience a lot, which is always great. He called himself an "over-analytical depressive fucker" at one point and kept saying that it was weird that he got to write songs about being such a fuck up & then get paid to play them for everyone. He told us about the inspiration or moods he was in when he wrote certain songs. He said that his chatty state meant he was in "very strange form," since he usually doesn't even realize an audience is there, but tonight he was "aware of every single little [thing]."

There was a guy who was sitting a few rows behind us who kept calling out "DAMIEN!" really loudly. After the 4th song, Damien answered him back & made a couple jokes. Then he asked, "The person who just said 'DAMIEN!' [imitating his tone], what did you want?" The guy said, "I'm Dan from Long Island [of course the obnoxious guy would be from LI] & a little "Elephant" would be nice." Damien looked at Lisa, who was ready to start singing the next song, then went, "Well, then, your wish is my command" and busted into the song as Lisa went to straight chill at the piano.

The set list:

1. Woman Like a Man (no Lisa, but still AMAZING. Video link of clip here)
2. Insane
3. I Remember (Lisa sounded absolutely, absolutely flawless; just gorgeous)
4. 9 Crimes
5. Elephant [directly into]
6. The Blower's Daughter (I got almost all of it on video, click here)
7. Cannonball - An acoustic, no microphone, Damien-only version. Definitely the most powerful song of the night. I can't even describe it, I wish that I got it on video, but after "BD," I only had 33 seconds left & wanted to save it in case they did "Delicate".
8. La Professor (Lisa sang the 2nd verse, changing all the "I" pronouns to "he")
9. The Animals Were Gone
10. Coconut Skins
11. Amie (Crazy spaceship effects at the end; it was really intense)
12. Eskimo Friends
13. Volcano

Encores

1. Rootless Tree (my favorite song from the new album; the one that I wish had come out 4 years ago so I could've discovered it then & made it my anthem, ha. I only have part of it on video cause "BD" took up so much memory; I wanted to get the first half, but was busy trying to call Brian so he could hear it
2. Me, My Yoke & I
3. Accidental Babies (just Damien & the piano; it was very Fiona-esque a la "Parting Gift")

Amanda & I had great seats. I had been trying to get tickets since she asked if I wanted to go about a month ago and it was sold out. I know that some times tickets will be released a few days before a show because they're held for radio stations, etc. and we both really wanted to go, so I tried again at like 6:30pm Mon night and we got center orchestra seats in row G. Yeah, I hate me too. SO worth the - what $57 after Ticketmaster was done raping us? SO worth it.

Finally, because no NYC story is complete without a random subway experience: Not only were NONE of the ticket machines taking cash nor were they reading anyone's credit/debit cards on the first THREE swipes (think 90% of a sold-out Beacon Theatre crowd trying to get into a subway station & like 90% of them needing to buy a subway pass, ugh), but when we finally get onto the 2, this guy gets on & starts making the following announcement:

"Everybody, I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize for my appearance. My name is Steven & I am HIV positive. I am homeless & cannot afford medical shots. I can't live in a shelter since I was attacked. Now I am forced to ride the subways at night for a 24-hr McDonald's [I'm NOT making this up]. I'd like to take this opportunity to ask for your help. I am now going to recite some poetry for you..."

And he did. He recited some lovely Jesus/life is a wonder poetry. I just turned to the chick sitting next to me & said, "Of all the cars on all the subways in all the city and he gets onto ours."

[Update: here's Rolling Stone's review of the concert]

A J.D. Christmas

I'm totally posting this video on STARKED NYC tomorrow (Tues, Dec. 12), but here's a little preview. Fucking classic. It's actually from 2003/2004, but I've never seen it before 10 minutes ago. It's A Charlie Brown Christmas performed by the Scrubs cast.

Dr. Cox as Linus is absolutely genius. I'm a tool, so I copied down his "True Meaning of Christmas" speech:

Here's the deal, Newbie. You can stuff your stockings with shiny little toys from now until you grow some testicles, but until you that stocking is filled with friendship, loyalty, love & devotion, well - it's just plumb empty. And no, you can't purchase those things at Laura Ashley, and no, you can't win them in the Redbook Giveaway Extravaganza. And gee, I'm sorry if these aren't things you can wind up & watch spin for 8 hours. Let me make this exceptionally clear: Christmas is about love. You can't live without other people's love. Not during Christmas, not ever. So go spend that time with your friends & family and if they laugh at you, laugh with them. And if they laugh at you again, hit 'em & go find some new friends. But for the love of God, Jesus, Mary, Joseph & his Technicolored Dreamcoat, don't ever, ever forget this, Newbie. You have to give love to get love. So start giving. Now. That's what Christmas is all about, Newbie."

NYC Christmas Fiestas & Harry Potter = SO Fetch

I actually had 2 Saturdays off in a row, which for a Dec. in retail is unheard of. I need a real job where I can have Sats off all the time. But enough of the pity party. Last Sat (Dec 2), I went to Julie & Courtney's Christmas par-tay, all the way in Upper Bumblefuck, Manhattan. Actually, it was a really nice area; I'd totally, totally consider living there if it wasn't so freaking far. I think they're on 210th St or something? It was 5 blocks from the Bronx border, at the Dyckman stop on the subway. Julia met me at Penn & we rode the 45-min ride together. Their apartment is really cute, the party was fun; I'm really glad that I went. Anthony came with Amanda Nietzel, as did Matt Hittenmark & all of their old housemates. Good times :). Matero & Eddie drove in & Shawn Lynch came, but they got there after I'd left.

Of course, I was slightly buzzing when I left, so I missed the subway & subsequently missed the train I wanted to take back to Hicksville. (I was completely fine by the time I got to my car since it was 2 hours after I left the party, though, I promise.) All of the cousins on my mom's side had gotten together that night (there's 12 including my mom, aunt & uncle). By the time I got to Syosset & called my mom, they were all finishing up. I decided to just go home & go to a party all the way in fucking Mastic with Tricia. After driving around in circles, we finally found the right street, which of course was on the other side of Wm. Floyd, with no street sign. All we had to go on was it was "by 7-11 & before the Smith Point Motel." But it was fun. We didn't do too shabby in the beer pong dept. I made Tricia drink for me the last 1.5 hours since I wasn't even going to risk driving from Mastic to Coram to Ridge, especially since I'm a big fan of taking Whiskey Rd everywhere I possibly can, at all hours of the day/night. She was waaaasted. It was a looooong night of social activity for me.

On Tues, I went to a "Pre-Holiday Grand Opening" of a salon owned by a celebrity stylist in the West Village that I was invited to through STARKED NYC. I'm not going to say much here, but here's the link for the posting I did on the website about it. I didn't know if I could bring anyone, so I had told Tricia she couldn't come. Then, I'm on the subway & I look at the invitation again & see that I can bring a guest. I'm an idiot. I called Julia cause I knew she'd be getting out of work & on her way to the subway to go home & made her come meet me. Bribing people with free booze always works. Anthony met up with us afterwards & we continued all the drinking at some bar, though not for free. I went back to Syosset, since I had been there since Mon night bc of Grandma's surgery on Tues morning. I stayed there to help take care of her til Wed night. <3

Yesterday, I drove into Brooklyn to straight chill with Julia again. She, Annie Russell & I went to get a Christmas tree for their apartment, which we strapped to the roof of my car. Jules & I put lights & festive/gay red bows on it. After eating almost an entire bag of Swedish Fish in about 4 minutes, we decided it was time to get real food. So she, Annie, another roommate Kevin & I hit up a diner. Anthony, Amanda & Laurie were having a party that I had promised Matt Dunning I'd go to, but it was cold & by the time we finished dinner, it was late. They live on the Upper West Side & it's an hour subway ride from Brooklyn. That's not so bad, but I had to work today & couldn't get home really late. I felt badly, though. We promised Dunning we'd go to Boston before March 1 to make it up to him. So it looks like I'm goin' to Boston.

So instead of going out like normal 22-year-olds, what did we do? Watch Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire! I've been rereading all the books again. The only other movie I've seen is the first one, which didn't do much for me. This one = so good. I got ridiculously into it too. If I were Julia (or even Annie, who probably heard me in her room), I'd definitely have rolled my eyes at the extreme level of nerd that I was emitting. I may or may not have tried warning Cedric Diggory to turn back at the end in a vain attempt to save his life. I also may or may not have squealed when Voldemort came back. Fantaaaaaastic. I got home in an hour, 15 minutes. Great success! The L.I.E. isn't so bad when there's no traffic. OH & there's a Palace Diner in Queens - I feel as though I need to go there just out of principle.

Some P.S.'es:

• Mean Girls has been on TBS all weekend. So fetch. Holler.
• The 6th season of Scrubs started last week. Double holler.
• I'm now obsessed with The Office. Jim is my new crush.

Grandma Woke Up a Democrat

Soooo Grandma's surgery went well. She's still in a lot of pain but she was prescribed Vicodin, so hopefully that'll help her every 4 hours for the next few weeks. It's SO funny to me to think about how at the end of last school year I took Vicodin a few times for shits & giggles and when I was the one who had to walk 4 blocks yesterday afternoon in la ciuadad to fill her prescription, I started laughing. To this day, I have no idea why I thought it was ever a good idea - or at least a fun idea - to take it. Oh well. I blame Randy for "peer pressuring" me into it (even though we never did it together) and Brian for being a supplier! Anyhow, yeah, it's just another testament to how I went crazy at the end of school because I was having so many strange emotions about the whole thing. Oh well, I'm over *that* phase. Not over being weirded out/completely freaked out by not being at Marist/being unsure about the future, but over doing that shit. Ah, well...

Just to tell a quick story that's a testimony to why I love my grandma so much: My Uncle Lou went to get the car, my grandpa went to find him, my aunt was doing whatever she was doing and I was with my grandma, her physical therapist & her nurse. We were waiting to get her into the car home & it was freezing outside. Grandma was still relatively groggy from the anithesea & in pain from surgery. We're waiting outside for my uncle to be able to get the car right in front. Grandma's in her wheelchair. Aunt Anne had put her scarf around her neck & laid her coat in front of her to cover her from the cold. Does Grandma notice the cold? No. She turns to her nurse & asks, "Would you like to wear my coat til my son gets here? It's very cold outside & you're not wearing anything, you must be cold. Take my coat."

I had to turn away upon hearing this because I almost burst into tears. That's what I want to be like. So selfless that when I'm in obvious pain & about to be discharged from the hospital to worry whether or not the woman who's pushing my wheelchair is cold.

My grandma rocks.

P.S. She also woke up a Democrat. For anyone who knows my extremely conservative, Catholic, Republican family, this is strange. But regardless, in the car on the way home from NYC, Grandma says, "I like that Barack Obama guy. I'd vote for him if he ran for President. I'd vote for him over any of these jackass Republican candidates. Except Hillary. I'd vote for anyone over here. But if it's not her next election, I'm voting Democrat."

All we need now is my dad to vote Democrat & I think hell will freeze over.

Rambling at 1:15am

I should definitely have gone to bed an hour ago, but I'm wide awake, so whatever. I'm in Syosset right now and it's 1:15am. I have to get up at 6am to get ready to go into the city with Uncle Lou & Aunt Anne for Grandma's surgery tomorrow morning. I think my mom feels really bad that she can't go - she's always gotten to be there in the past, but has no choice tomorrow; she has to go to work. I have always been extremely close with my grandparents - there are times when they were the people in my family whom I've been closest with - so when my grandpa had to have surgery this summer, I got up at 5am to be at the hospital with my mom, grandma & aunt at 6:30am and now I'm getting up early to go in with my aunt & uncle (my mom's older sister/brother).

I'm kinda nervous, even though it's not a big deal at all. She's having surgery on her knee & she's been in a lot of pain for the last few months. If you've ever met my grandmother, you know that she is not one to ever complain about anything. She's Italian. If something's upsetting her, she goes to church or sits on the couch & says the rosary over & over again. Everytime I whine about life or am visibly depressed, she yells at me to be optimistic because all things pass. But lately she can't even walk around the house within wincing in pain & it's very strange. The woman's always healthy, always very strongminded, always here to take care of you. So I'm just having a difficult time accepting that my grandparents are getting older. I'm so lucky that before now my family's never had to deal with something like this, at least from Grandma (my grandfather's had prostate & skin cancer removed). And it's not even a big medical problem.

I just keep remembering what happened last October, when my great aunt Lilly had a similar knee surgery done & my great uncle Emilio (my grandma's brother) passed away completely unexpectedly when he went home for a little while. Imagine your husband of 53-years telling you he'd be back when you woke up & then just never coming back. He fell asleep in a chair watching TV around noon & had a heart attack in his sleep. My 16-year-old cousin saw him in the chair & got nervous when he wouldn't come to the door (he lives next door; they all live in the same neighborhood in Syosset as my grandparents & uncle), called his father who called my uncle. My uncle ran out of the house, my grandma saw him & got in her car to follow him & then my grandparents watched as my uncle broke in a window to try to resusitate their brother, who had been over for dinner the night before. It was probably the worst thing my family's gone through in a very long time. I've never seen my grandparents or my uncle cry like that. They sat with the body for hours afterwards, waiting for the ME to come & pronounce him dead & the cops to come investigate (when someone dies anywhere that's not at a hospital, the cops have to come, even if it's clear what happened). It was...very bad. It happened during that 3-week monsoon. I had Rocky Horror rehearsals/production staff obligations & midterms. I missed my Marriage & Family midterm, as well as the one for whichever Carol Pauli class I was taking. Matt Andrews, ever the understanding professor, deducted me a letter grade for missing class for the funeral even though he knew that's where I was & Eddie, Steph, Randy, etc. all backed me up on it. That's why I'm not a Matt fan. I drove from Marist to Syosset to Marist to Ridge to Marist to Syosset to Marist from a Thurs-Tues time period in that pouring rain. That was not a good week, no.

Anyway, I think I feel a little better now, maybe. I had a fun weekend, I'll talk about it when it's not 1:31am & I don't have to be up in less than 5 hours. I'm going to a saloon opening in NYC tomorrow night for some dude who does Sarah Jessica Parker's hair (through Starked NY). So that'll be sorta neat, at least for the potential networking? Meh, I've rambled way too much. This post is depressing. Sorry.

Road Trip, Day 8 - In a MD/NJ/NY State of Mind

FINALLY. I'm so over talking about this trip, lol. Last day, Monday, Nov. 13. We got up & took a walk through Federal Hill in Baltimore with Mr. Bill (Tricia's dad) & got a very early lunch around 11:30am. I really do love that area. It's really cool; I can't wait to go back with Tricia again. Anyway, afterwards, we hit the road around 1pm.

We headed for Towson, because it's where Tricia went to school before she decided to get all married & move to California. Though from all the completely nuts stories that she's told me, it sounds like she crammed more into that one year than I did in all 4 of my years at Marist. I probably could've stayed in college for 3 more years & still never caught up to Trish. Yeah. So we illegally parked by the (where else?) theatre/arts building & then walked around campus for a little bit. You know, it's not a huge campus, but it still seemed so much bigger than Marist. Then again, we had 3 academic buildings (Donnelly, the Steel Plant & the Student Center so do NOT count) so any campus that has more than like 6 buildings total seems bigger to me. (Tangent: When I lived in Upper West Cedar that torturous year, I complained about having to walk 10 minutes to get to class. Claudio would tell me to shut the fuck up bc a short walk for the smart kids at Cornell was like 20 minutes. Related: we also didn't have tennis courts, the walkway & Jazzman's back in the day, either).

Tricia trying to figure her way around Towson while both in daylight & sobriety:

Yeah, so we drove around, trying to find the spot of Tricia's favorite Towson story, but she realized that most of the time she walked places, it was at night & she was usually inebriated. In fact, she wasn't sure she knew how to get anywhere that wasn't an academic/student center/place where hot lacrosse players practiced during the day. We stayed til about 3pm, then hit the road for New York. As soon as we got onto Rt. 695 (I think...), it started pouring rain. We drove all the way up Rt. 95 in it.

Randy texted me sometime while we were on the Jersey Turnpike & told us that we should come by his house. We're like, "Sure, why not? Let's delay going back to the actual world for another 2 hours!" So it's pouring rain & we get onto the Garden State Parkway. I call to verify directions not once, not twice, but THREE times. I get the "You're going the right way, leave me the fuck alone until you're here, I'm busy being a pothead" speal. We drive for about 10 mins before we realize that we're definitely going the wrong way. In the pouring rain. We finally get to the right exit & call for more directions & he gets us somewhat lost again. He can't help much bc he doesn't know street names (seriously?!). Figures that when we start naming places & we're near a mechanic, he knows where we are. The moral of the story? Princess Cupcake Assface is an idiot.

Yeah, so I'm totally outing Princess right now: Not only does he actually live on a river ("Colleen. It's Randy. I'm drunk & peeing in the river..." remains my favorite drunk voicemail ever), but it's RIGHT in his backyard. And there's a houseboat. With a kitchen, bedroom, 2 flatscreen tvs, shower, etc. Yeah. Pam & Vinny told us they tried to get him to not be so lazy & learn how to sail it so he could take it wherever (Vinny actually sailed it to Marist once, apparently), but the coolness of that was no match for the coolness of Mary Jane. We went to a diner, where they naturally made fun of me (see video) and then Tricia & I finally left for NY. Here's the video of Tricia's first visit to a diner in 2 years (they don't have diners in CA).

My favorite view of the city is from the BQE & I'm glad it stopped raining by the time we crossed the Verazano. It's such a gorgeous skyline, seriously. I said it then and I'll say it now: We traveled through the entire southern part of the US & nothing, nothing quite made me feel like I did seeing NYC. Maybe that's totally dorky, but it's true. We got home around 11:30pm, completely exhausted. I think I slept til 1pm the next day (Tues, Nov 14), which is crazy bc usually 10:30am is my sleeping late limit. It was so worth it though. If I could do it again, I would in a heartbeat.

Everybody say "Awwww" at Randy's 2nd grade picture! Can little Randy say, "Colleen wins this round."?