Colleen Vs. the Tuna Can, Round 2

Who will win THIS time?

The Taconic Tales or "Things That Could Only Happen to Me"

Alright, so this one is for you, Grandpa, the one who just laughed at me at 2:45am after I barged into your house & woke you up with tales of things that could only happen to me and who just shrugged and said, "Write it down."

So last night (Saturday), I had to travel up to Poughkeepsie for Sara & TJ's engagement meet-up at Mahoney's. I left in a good mood after an enjoyable recording of MetroBuzz. Although I was weary of making the trip up and back within the same night (I'm dog sitting again for my aunt), I was still really excited. So there I am, on the Taconic Parkway still near the Bronx/Westchester border, but on the Westchester side. Suddenly, I'm half-blind. My contact is no longer in my eye! I have really bad eye sight. Like, I'm a barely contact prescription away from legally blind. So this is not good. I find a spot to pull over. There's no shoulder on that part of the Taconic, so I pull over in the triangle shaped area between the parkway & an exit ramp. I've found my contact on my scarf, but it must have fallen out because my eyes were dry because it was rolled up and I couldn't unroll with. I tried, but it would have ripped.

I was too far along my way to turn around but not close enough to Poughkeepsie to justify driving further. I would have had to drive with one eye closed the rest of the way in the dark and then the 2.5 hours home much, much later that night. I ended up pouring water from a re-filled water bottle onto it to try to moisturize it so I could try to put it in my eye. I got it to resume regular contact lense shape, but my elbow hit my water bottle (I was too blind & anxious to get my contact into my eye that I had not put the cap back on it) and naturally, it spills directly on my iPod. Fabulous! It wasn't working on the way there, but it must have dried out while I was at the bar because thankfully, it was working again (knock on wood) for my drive home.

Sara & TJ's party was awesome. I had a kick ass time. So I was in a great mood again at 12:45am when I left to embark on my 2.5 hour drive back to my aunt's house, where I am dog sitting again this weekend. Well, my cell phone was dying. It was dying when I got to the party, but I had taken it into the bathroom with me and charged it for a few minutes here and there while I was at the party, just to buy me a little time on the way home with a working phone. I also needed gas, but was hoping that I'd have enough to make it to Queens or Long Island before having to stop. About 30 minutes into my drive, the gas light goes on (damn driving to Riverhead for work with all the stop & go traffic every day). The stretch of the Taconic I was on was unfortunately where the exits led to other highways or across the Hudson River or into Connecticut or whatever.

10 miles pass since the light goes on, it's almost 1:30am & I turn my phone on to call my dad to see if he knows anything in the area. He doesn't. I get off at the next exit, but there's nothing. Like, nothing. I keep driving & see a guy at a stop light. I flash my brights at him several times & wave my arms out the window. He directs me to "Go straight, bear left when you get to a stop sign & you'll run into a Mobile station." I head off in the direction he says, call my dad back and go, "I have no idea where I am or where this gas station is, but if you don't hear from me again soon, it's because my phone is dead & I may run out of gas so you may have to call the auto club or something. I'm by a Children's Hospital called---" Yup - that's when my phone died for good.

I found the gas station & started on my way back. Found the parkway really quickly but I'm still really friggin exhausted at this point because, well, it's late. Naturally, I'm not paying attention quickly enough and I end up going NORTH towards Albany instead of south towards New York City. The exits aren't close between (I love how Rt. 95 once you get into Delaware has it's exits corresponding with miles), so I drive a few more minutes to the Pleasantville exit and turn around to go south. Can we all guess what happens next? If you answered, "You missed the correct exit ramp & ended up accidentially traveling on the service road next to the parkway which then started to lead away from the parkway but were luckily blindly following a State Trooper who turns out was heading towards a different parkway that connected with the parkway you needed" then you guessed correctly!

So now I'm finally back on the Taconic Parkway going south. No cell phone & a half hour behind schedule. It's around 2am at this point and I'm still about 2 hours from home. My parents have no idea what's happening to me & I'm exhausted. I sped back to the Throgs Neck Bridge as quickly as I would dare to (with my luck or my level of tired, I wasn't going to push it). I made a beeline for my grandparents' house to try to use their telephone to call my parents & Jay to tell them I was okay. I should note that I was somewhat afraid that my uncle would wake up to the sound of someone coming into the house at 2:45am & come downstairs with his gun drawn on me (he's a cop). But I figured I'd take my chances and I had to pee anyway so whatever.

So that's basically where this story ends. My grandpa woke up while I was on the phone with my parents. I explained to him everything that had happened to me the entire night whining, "Why does this stuff always happen to ME? Who has a problem on the way there AND the way back?!" He just laughed at me and shook his head and said, "Write it all down." And that's what I did! My grandpa is so cool. I ended up getting back around 3:50am. I went to bed somewhere around 4:30 by the time I let the dog out and got changed and woke Jay & my parents up to tell them I finally made it home. A lovely little story about there and back again.

Colleen Vs. the Tuna Can

DISCLAIMER: DO NOT SCROLL DOWN SLOWLY IF YOU DO NOT LIKE THE SIGHT (OR PICTURES) OF BLOOD, OPEN WOUNDS, OR STITCHES! Skip way ahead.

Okay, so I got an early start in 2009 with all the action. Sunday, January 4 started off as a normal day. Woke a sick Jay up at 7:30am after having gone to bed at 2:30am (Chargers game at a sports bar for Bobby's birthday then the last 2 episodes of Season 1 of Chuck did us in). Realized at like 9:30am that we didn't have to get up at 7:30am because I miscalculated what time we had to leave for the airport. Oops. We could have had a full extra hour to sleep. We were dog sitting for the weekend at my aunt's house, so we headed to my parents house for the worst bagels I've ever eaten, both in and out of NY combined.

Side note: On the drive over there, I learned that I bought the wrong version of The Sims for my Macbook. I wanted the one that went with the Livin' Large expansion pack - which I had just bought as well - but I bought The Sims 2. I don't know, I thought that The Sims 2 was the one that went with everything. I'm an idiot.

Anyway, after the crap bagels, I drove Jay to MacArthur Airport in Islip and sent him on his way. Went back to my aunt's house to clean up and basically wash everything that Jay had coughed on before going back home. My aunt also go very sick on her trip, so my grandparents were stopping by her house to leave food, etc for her. They head out the door at 2:15pm. I was waiting for the sheets to come out of the dryer and then I was going to go home. My mom wanted me back home between 3-3:30pm because as Italians, we eat dinner at like 3:30pm on Sundays.

So it's 2:15pm and Grandma & Grandpa say goodbye. I decide I don't to wait to eat dinner because I am hungry NOW. I get one of those single servings of tuna fish cans, that you peel it back to open and put it on crackers and eat. That'll hold me over. Yeah. I'm sitting on the couch, watching Supernatural on my laptop & Skype chatting with Jay, who is at the Baltimore Airport for his layover. Please note that Jay's new Blackberry had some sort of software issue that day and was not working at all. I go to peel back the tuna can and instead of peeling up evenly, it rolls up together (as in instead of an even horizontal motion, it rolls up vertically) and completely into my middle finger on my right hand. I looked down and saw immediately that it was not going to be okay. I ran to the front door and was SO lucky that my grandparents hadn't left yet. They were fixing something outside the house but had already started the car. My finger is a gushing blood like a fountain & I've got the plastic carton the can & crackers came in under it to catch the blood. By the time my grandpa got to the door 30 seconds later, there was A LOT of blood in there. I just called out from the door across the lawn, "Umm I cut my finger and it's bad."

My grandpa can't hear me and goes, "Huh?!" So I do the only thing I could do and hold it up, blood streaming and all. We go wash it out and it's evident that the bleeding is NOT going to stop and that it's really freaking deep. My grandparents place calls to my parents to tell them that someone has to come over to take me to the ER for stitches. Now at this point, I had left a very sick Jay on the computer for a good 5 minutes, probably wondering what's going on. So my grandpa types him the funniest message: "this is lou. colleen has to go to er. bye."

Yeah, I could only imagine what I'd do if I had gotten that message and had no clue what had happened and had no phone at all. So after we get my finger wrapped up, I called thru Skype to fill him in. My mom arrived and we went to the ER.

That's basically it. We were there for about 3 hours and some guy kept puking in the room across the hall from me so it smelled terrible. I didn't really cry at all BUT I did lose my cool when the doctor was pulling it apart and touching it to see if I had cut a tendon or not. And I started to shake from nerves and sweat when he put the anesthesia all around it because I could feel it going through my veins and it's just such an unnatural feeling in general. Something cold running through your veins and all. It took a good 3 or 4 minutes before it was numb. My dad had come down when he heard what was happening and he stayed in there with me because my mom's not so good with blood at all. It felt silly having both your parents with you in the ER to get stitches in your finger at 24 years old, but neither wanted to leave and I felt loved. I ended up watching him do the stitches.

Okay, so here's the gross part. I have pictures from my camera phone that I took while we were in the ER and then pictures of what it looks like now, 4 days later. I just took the badages off for the first time to change them right before I took them. I went big, huh? Gotta go big or go home. Thank goodness that I only cut my finger!

All stitched up:

Thanks for stopping by! Hopefully this is the only time I'll have to post open wounds on here ever again (knock on wood).

My First California Christmas Experience

California last weekend with Jay's family ROCKED. Seriously, I had such an awesome time. We flew in on Saturday morning, with our connecting Southwest flights meeting up in Vegas and then flying to Burbank (I had no delays getting in to Las Vegas but Jay did; we then had a bit of a delay leaving Vegas because of snow in Utah I think, but it was way better being delayed with someone!)

Anyways, here's some pictures from that weekend, with captions. There's also a video in here of Jay playing guitar off-the-cuff in the kitchen while no one was paying attention. I noticed he was and grabbed my camera to pretend to take a picture and recorded some of it before he realized what I was doing & we had to go eat or whatever it was. Enjoy some of our lame pictures from our very fun Christmas #1!

Video First:



Now the photo album:

We drink when we are delayed in airports, no matter what time of day it is.

The start of the (literally) 24-hour long game of Risk that Jay & his family played!

Taking a break to text/look at pictures. We're so technologically dependent.

Naturally, we had to take a picture of the game before we went to bed that night to make sure no one cheated over night! Jay is green.

My first time ever playing Wii bowling.

All tuckered out from my 10 minutes of Wii Bowling (plus it was like 9pm NY time...)

We played in Claire's Accessories during a quick mall-trip on Sunday, 12/14. Sylar - I mean Jay - wants glasses for some reason...

I found the pickle hidden in the Christmas tree & went to claim my prize! (Okay, maaaaaybe I had a tad bit of help from Aunt Mary & Uncle Brett...)

All set for take-off from Burbank to JFK and wearing my headband because it hurt my head when I tried to sleep :)

God, we LOVE JetBlue...

March 14 is Pi Day.

...and my Spelling Family Care-O-Meter is STILL at zero!

Soooo it's March 14 -> 3/14 -> 3.14 -> Pi Day. This means absolutely nothing in the scheme of things, but I just made fun of Cassidy Jill for having "Happy Pi Day" as her away message. According to her, "I'm in grad school, so it's okay."

OH speaking of CJ, I'm 98% going to visit her in North Carolina at the end of April. April 26-27 (Thurs-Fri), I have to be at something at Penn Relays for work (we're sponsoring a concert). Fri night, I'm flying out of Philly & going to NC. She's at Chapel Hill, so I assume we're staying there Fri night? She has a friend who I think lives in or right outside Raleigh, so the next day, we're going to the Raleigh Beer Festival for a kickin' good time. Hopefully Tricia will come too. Plus, I wanna go to Comic Con in July. Randy may go with me - and Norton, too. Yay Dork Fest '07.

Finally, the latest episode of MetroBuzz is out; if you like hearing me & John Norton talk (aka me being stupid since I get sidetracked easily & he's got a good voice & actual podcast-hosting abilities;)) then you should go on iTunes & look up MetroBuzz and download us or click here.

That's all for now. Off to help my friend Jen write an essay then to watch Lost. Happy Pi Day & all that jazz.

Divas Take Manhattan

It's been a busy, busy few weeks with work @ AT, the "real job" hunt, the podcast & lots of crazy adventures. It'll be a massively long post if I talked about everything at once, so I'll just go in order over the next few days.

First weekend in Jan., as mentioned in "Don't go across the tracks," Allison, Amanda, Julia & I met up at Ali's apartment in Chelsea for a little diva reunion. (After I finally got there,) we (sadly) skipped the tree in Rockefeller Center in favor of dinner bc we were all starving. Julia took us to this place called Gingerman's on 34th that had beer from around the world. If you ever go, get one of the hot dogs. They're faaaabulous. We went back to change & decided to go to Marquee around 11:30pm. Ali lives just a few blocks from all those "trendy celeb" hangouts so it was lovely to not have to walk far. It was also ridiculously warm for Jan., as we were wearing short sleeves/tank tops without jackets. The club is pretty sick nasty, but you can only sit down if you buy a bottle of wine or Grey Goose or Cristal for $250, minimum. We were not all about that. However, we had a secret weapon: Ali's freaking hot. She's "that blonde girl" that everyone always stops to hit on, no matter where you are. Ali took care of finding boys to let us sit down & share their Grey Goose. But I get ahead of myself.

So, no matter where I go, I'm always all about exploring the joint. I have to know everything about everywhere & what the deal is. It's the reporter in me. After quizzing one of the bouncers near the bar, I decide the place for us to be is upstairs. At some point, Ali asks - and I quote - "Coll, what shot can I get that will get us the most fucked up?"

Never ask me that question.

I'm trying to figure out what level of inebriation that everyone's at (which at 11-f'ing-dollars a drink really wasn't that high at all), combine it with what time of night it was, divide it by number of non-sketchy hot dudes in the place who I'd trust buying one of us a drink (I'm picky & judgemental so that number was also very low) & then multiply that whole equation by just how nice I'm feeling at the moment. I consider going for Rumplemintz...because who doesn't like 150-proof toothpaste? But I can't do that to the girls. So I opt for 151. Yeah, I don't know why either. I think I was bitter that I'd been there for 2 hours, only had like 2.5 drinks & getting another would cost another $11. So I rationalized that I was doing everyone a favor.

No one threw up, but no one could quite breathe for a good minute afterwards. I've done 151 with Frankie & Brian at home and it's never seemed quite as evil as it did at that moment. Luckily, I came to my senses quick enough to ask for a glass of water for everyone to chase with.

So Ali finds some dudes to let us sit at their table. I become bored with them very quickly & turn to my left and make friends with these 2 gay guys, Mark & Lee, who lived in Canada & Michigan and had just spent New Years in Egypt. I'm fascinated by people's travel stories & quickly ignore the girls & the table of dudes and talk to my new BFF's for the next hour & a half. At some point, they start pouring me Grey Goose & tonic. OH - Dennis Rodman was at the club but I'm surprised I even remember the entire night. I didn't realize how much overpriced vodka I drank until after we got home. Ugh. It was not fun.

The next morning, we all woke up & I had the hangover that lasted the entire day. I'm talking I felt like shit until I got off the train at 8pm. I've only been hungover 3 times in my entire life - that being the third. Now I remember why I usually cut myself off & start drinking water about an hour before I leave a bar even if I'm not driving. We walked around, got bagels, went to see the tree (hooray!), went to Central Park & then got dinner. Ali got hit on a bunch more times. I don't know how she deals with it. Frankly, if someone had tried to hit on me in the middle of Jamba Juice at noon while hungover, I'd probably have to have a very intense inner dialogue to keep myself from dumping my drink on their head. It was overall a very pleasant day. I had an awesome time, we're going to all meet up again soon, maybe around my birthday (Feb. 8). Hopefully Meagan can come this time.

Allison, Coll, Julia & Amanda - I mean Lipschitz, Pop, Six & Squish

I love lamp! And 70-degree weather on January 6!

Ali's good at Photoshop. Hooray.

Looks like the Grinch won this round.

Amanda covering her mouth is an unnatural thing.

Don't go across the tracks

Ok, so last weekend, I went into the city again to party it up with the divas (Amanda Giordano, Julia, Allison Caruana & a no-show Meg Donoghue). A lot of fun, but it was an adventure & a half from the start of the night.

I get to the Hicksville train station & discover that all trains except my own are delayed because of "track conditions." One train was even delayed 62 minutes. I would've freaked out. But I stayed calm; my train ended up only being about 8 minutes late. Get on the train, it's moving somewhat slower than usual, but at least I'm moving. We were all supposed to meet up around 6:30pm at Ali's apartment in Chelsea. At this point, I'll get there only about 15 mins late. No biggie. Then we get to the Hillside facility. At Hillside, they tell us that our train is going to be delayed "indefinitely" & we could get out, walk around, whatev. I'm thinking, "Grrreeeaaat!" But I was still uncharacteristically calm & unbothered. Luckily, it only 10 minutes before our train started moving again. (Naturally, I stayed on the train so I could continue rereading Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets.)

We start moving & all's well in that glorious 6 or so minutes it takes to get to Jamaica, a big station where most lines run through & you can transfer, etc. The train stops & without warning the conductor announces, "Train service between Penn Station & Jamaica has been terminated. All passengers must get off the train."

Everyone's confused. There's another announcement: "Anyone who wishes to continue to Penn Station at this time can board the train to Brooklyn & take the subway up to Penn Station." That was it. No "Sorry for the inconvenience on this disgustingly muggy, misty evening!"

So I got on the train to Brooklyn with about half of the other confused passengers. I ask around & find out which stop will take me to a subway line that I needed to get to Ali's. Because I'll talk to anyone, I make friends with this 48ish-year-old woman named Kathleen because she was talking about how she was supposed to be doing a table reading of Taming of the Shrew. She ends up being a minister who had family members go to Marist & genius kids ages 18 & 23. We chat til I get to my stop. Or so I think. The train kept on going. Turns out, the A-line skips 8th & 23rd - only the C & E take you there. I had to get off at Penn Station. I was so impatient at that point that I just walked the 12 blocks/1 ave to Ali's. I got there, drenched in sweat. My newly cut hair was unfortunately frizzed & ruined. It was gross.

My parents saw on the news during my endeavors that someone had been hit by the train. It ended up being a 12-year-old boy who snuck through a hole in a fence down ONTO THE TRAIN TRACKS TO DO GRIFFITI & ended up getting hit. His parents are now screaming at everyone about how it's MTA's fault for having a hole in their fence. No, fuckers. It's YOUR FAULT for not teaching your kid that while defacing public property is wrong, playing on the fucking train tracks is just plain stupid. 13-yr-old boys will be 13-yr-old boys, but at 13-yrs-old, one should know that playing on the train tracks will get you a one-way ticket to the Darwin Awards.

As I was recapping my story that evening, it was still when we thought that someone had jumped on the tracks. I have come to the conclusion that committing suicide by jumping in front of a train during rush hour is probably the most selfish thing that you can do. It's how Randy would kill himself. It could even be more selfish than stealing from the poor box, I don't know. You're not only inconviencing yourself/loved ones by dying, you're also now affecting thousands of commuters who just wanna get where they're going. Could you BE any more selfish? Granted, someone who's trying to kill themselves probably isn't really in a very logical frame of mind, but as Gob would say, "Come ON." Don't make everyone else suffer bc you think your life isn't worth living. If you thought no one cared about you before, certainly no one will care about you after you've made them wait 5 hours on a train while police clean up your gallbladder from track 2. If you really want to do the train thing, get a razor, find a bathtub & go down the tracks that way.

That is all. More on the weekend/pictures later on. Ali & Amanda posted up pictures on Facebook, though. Ali did my make-up that night & I really don't look like myself at all. I think I'm just gonna stick with my eyeliner & mascara & call it a day.

Coll & Steph's Excellent Adventure

So last Saturday (Dec. 30), Speranza & I ventured into NYC to attend Tom "Jimmy" Durante's 23rd birthday gala. Jimmy was one of my editors when I interned at the Long Island Press last summer/winter. Steph wanted some excitement so she decided to come along. It was at some bar in Little Italy. There was karaoke. It was wonderrrrrful. We had a very long & interesting conversation about life, lessons, soulmates, fate, etc. throughout the entire night. We decided that we definitely knew each other in another lifetime (if there actually is such a thing as "reincarnation" & that she must've been some sort of teacher to me). She blogged about it in her MySpace blog, which is definitely worth a look (the entire blog, not just this post).

It's funny how we revert to spirituality, philosophy and the like when we need introspection on our own lives, when we feel lost & need some sort of explanation or change in our belief system in order to find reason, relief, peace, comfort & strength. But aren't we all just a little lost in some way or another? Just goes back to what I think is the fundamental human act of protecting ourselves: Do what you have to do to survive. Cause at the end of the day, isn't it all about survival?

Here's the story told through pictures & video:

Yeah, she's kinda really hot.

And I'm kinda really silly.

When will the subway arrive?

But why is the fun park in Chinatown locked?
Time to celebrate Tom "Jimmy" Durante's birthday in Little Italy!

Steph's got a total eclipse of the heart (link).

Here's a video of both of us trying to sing it. We're so funny, I can't stand it.

Peace & love, baby. Peace & love.

Road Trip, Day 8 - In a MD/NJ/NY State of Mind

FINALLY. I'm so over talking about this trip, lol. Last day, Monday, Nov. 13. We got up & took a walk through Federal Hill in Baltimore with Mr. Bill (Tricia's dad) & got a very early lunch around 11:30am. I really do love that area. It's really cool; I can't wait to go back with Tricia again. Anyway, afterwards, we hit the road around 1pm.

We headed for Towson, because it's where Tricia went to school before she decided to get all married & move to California. Though from all the completely nuts stories that she's told me, it sounds like she crammed more into that one year than I did in all 4 of my years at Marist. I probably could've stayed in college for 3 more years & still never caught up to Trish. Yeah. So we illegally parked by the (where else?) theatre/arts building & then walked around campus for a little bit. You know, it's not a huge campus, but it still seemed so much bigger than Marist. Then again, we had 3 academic buildings (Donnelly, the Steel Plant & the Student Center so do NOT count) so any campus that has more than like 6 buildings total seems bigger to me. (Tangent: When I lived in Upper West Cedar that torturous year, I complained about having to walk 10 minutes to get to class. Claudio would tell me to shut the fuck up bc a short walk for the smart kids at Cornell was like 20 minutes. Related: we also didn't have tennis courts, the walkway & Jazzman's back in the day, either).

Tricia trying to figure her way around Towson while both in daylight & sobriety:

Yeah, so we drove around, trying to find the spot of Tricia's favorite Towson story, but she realized that most of the time she walked places, it was at night & she was usually inebriated. In fact, she wasn't sure she knew how to get anywhere that wasn't an academic/student center/place where hot lacrosse players practiced during the day. We stayed til about 3pm, then hit the road for New York. As soon as we got onto Rt. 695 (I think...), it started pouring rain. We drove all the way up Rt. 95 in it.

Randy texted me sometime while we were on the Jersey Turnpike & told us that we should come by his house. We're like, "Sure, why not? Let's delay going back to the actual world for another 2 hours!" So it's pouring rain & we get onto the Garden State Parkway. I call to verify directions not once, not twice, but THREE times. I get the "You're going the right way, leave me the fuck alone until you're here, I'm busy being a pothead" speal. We drive for about 10 mins before we realize that we're definitely going the wrong way. In the pouring rain. We finally get to the right exit & call for more directions & he gets us somewhat lost again. He can't help much bc he doesn't know street names (seriously?!). Figures that when we start naming places & we're near a mechanic, he knows where we are. The moral of the story? Princess Cupcake Assface is an idiot.

Yeah, so I'm totally outing Princess right now: Not only does he actually live on a river ("Colleen. It's Randy. I'm drunk & peeing in the river..." remains my favorite drunk voicemail ever), but it's RIGHT in his backyard. And there's a houseboat. With a kitchen, bedroom, 2 flatscreen tvs, shower, etc. Yeah. Pam & Vinny told us they tried to get him to not be so lazy & learn how to sail it so he could take it wherever (Vinny actually sailed it to Marist once, apparently), but the coolness of that was no match for the coolness of Mary Jane. We went to a diner, where they naturally made fun of me (see video) and then Tricia & I finally left for NY. Here's the video of Tricia's first visit to a diner in 2 years (they don't have diners in CA).

My favorite view of the city is from the BQE & I'm glad it stopped raining by the time we crossed the Verazano. It's such a gorgeous skyline, seriously. I said it then and I'll say it now: We traveled through the entire southern part of the US & nothing, nothing quite made me feel like I did seeing NYC. Maybe that's totally dorky, but it's true. We got home around 11:30pm, completely exhausted. I think I slept til 1pm the next day (Tues, Nov 14), which is crazy bc usually 10:30am is my sleeping late limit. It was so worth it though. If I could do it again, I would in a heartbeat.

Everybody say "Awwww" at Randy's 2nd grade picture! Can little Randy say, "Colleen wins this round."?

Road Trip, Day 7 - Baltimore At Last

I'm kinda getting tired of talking about the trip, so I'm going to try to do the last 2 days quickly. We got up early on Sunday, (Nov 12) - around 5-5:30am - & hit the road after grabbing a quick breakfast in the lobby of our little motel. We weren't much into the talking at first since it was early, so we decided to put on the rest of Van Wilder, which we had started watching on my laptop the night before in traffic. Yes, it was obviously the smartest thing to do. Randy might praise Tara Reid's acting skills, but personally, I'm not sure how Tricia was able to not want to crash the car everytime she came on screen (just kidding - American Pie & Van Wilder are the only 2 Tara Reid movies that only make me contemplate sticking things through my eyes, not actually seriously consider it; that honor is saved for special movies, like Josie & the Pussycats).

After briefly detouring in WV after missing an exit, we finally arrived in Baltimore at Tricia's dad's (Mr. Bill, as he's known) apartment in Federal Hill at around 2pm. Tricia wanted to say hello to people, so we walked to a neighbor's house where people had congregated to watch the Titans/Ravens game. Afterwards, we walked around the Inner Harbor of Federal Hill (that area is GORGEOUS) & grabbed a drink at a local pub. I was in Baltimore with Trish back in the very beginning of April (she came out for Cassidy's 21st so the 2 of us + Ian went to Elizabethtown to celebrate, then the next day Tricia & I went to her dad's for the night). I had met many of these people & seen some of the sites made famous from Tricia's childhood/college days at Towson stories. Um, can I just say that Poughkeepsie totally gypped us by not having a designated area for bars? Yeah, Toucans & Darbys were right next to each other & theorethically you could walk from Foxhole to Mahoney's or Renni's if you don't mind the potential mugging or raping, but Baltimore/Towson kids have - or at least had when Tricia went to school - this thing called the Source (I think). From what I understand, it's a warehouse full of bars that the college would drop students off & then pick them all up by bus at like 2am.

Afterwards, we went back to the apartment for a little while before heading out again to say hello to another neighbor & then went to dinner. Her dad's on/off-girlfriend, Irene, came with us. Afterwards, we went to this place called Metropolitian that had what could quite possibly be the greatest invention ever: the Expresso Martini. Yes, that's right. A lot of caffeine mixed with alcohol. And they actually tasted really good, too. Mr. Bill is so cool. It's not surprising that Tricia's so outgoing; her dad has so many friends & everyone in Federal Hill knows him. They used to joke that he was the mayor. His face his on a mural inside one of the bars, too!

We went back to Mr. Bill's place after that. Tricia & I decided to grab one last drink to celebrate the end of the trip. We were tired so we only stayed out long enough for one drink & actually had a somewhat serious talk. It's funny that we spent so much time in the car together & shared so many stories of things that have happened to each other since we last saw one another on April 6, but never really had a serious talk, about stuff like the future & things that have happened lately that have hurt us or bothered us, etc. I finally told someone about my different (as in not one specific thing) issues from this summer in their entirety, rather than the different bits & pieces I confided to different close friends bc I didn't want to talk about anything or be crazy & annoying by ranting (you know, cause getting inebriated was obviously the healthier option <<rolls eyes>>. Hindsight, hindsight). We talked for a while, then went home & went to sleep.

Waaaay too close-up video of yours truly praising the wonders of the Expresso Martini. Please note my new cap, which I managed to wear a grand total of 6 days before coming to my senses abandoning it, which is a record for me & fashion accessories.

What do we have here? Visuals?!

Finally at Mr. Bill's Brownstone.I look like I haven't slept in 8 days. Handlebar jokes not included.
With Irene & our Expresso Martinis. I still look like shit, ugh.

Road Trip, Day 6 - The Never-Ending Traffic Jam

Ok, so Saturday morning. Wasn't too hungover at all, but the damn bed was SO comfortable that I just didn't want to get up. I'm not even going to try to describe this bed because I don't think I could do it justice. It was magical. Fluffy, comfy, soft mattress, comforter & pillows. I'm not one to lounge around in bed very often, but I could've totally wasted the entire day in that little cotton heaven.

Moving on. I went down to the lobby while Tricia took a shower so that I could mail some postcards, browse the gift shop, etc. The hotel manager was there & asked if I was finding everything alright, told me about the Veterans Day parade the city was having, etc. Basically doing what hotel employees do. Then he asks, "Are you a part of the NY/CA duo?" LOL. Apparently word did get around the hotel. He offered us free breakfast vouchers to the awesome buffet (greatest french toast ever), which was so sweet. We didn't realize til when we got the check that they were worth like $20 each.

As Tricia said, Nashville was good for the self-esteem. The heavy-set, elderly, stereotypical black guy with the apron shining shoes in the lobby told us that we were very pretty girls, ha. It was fun being a headturner for a few hours. As much as I love being center of attention - or rather, love being in charge of things - I'm honestly very glad that I'm not one of those girls who all the boys fall in love with at first sight. I'm perfectly content with not being "that hot girl" because that type of attention always makes me feel uneasy, uncomfortable in general. I'd much rather people want to hang out with me because I'm fun rather than because they think I'm attractive. I think if I were hot, I'd act differently knowing that I could get things easier in life because most people will give me a break or a chance quicker because they want to bone me. That's not the kind of power I'd EVER want to have. It's creepy knowing you can take advantage of so many people/situations that way. I don't know. This is a long, unnecessary tangent. But it's true. Ooooohhh, insight into Colleen's brain! Oooooohhh. Scaaaaary

Alrighty then. After reluctantly checking out, we walked around Nashville for a little bit. Went to check out the Country Music Hall of Fame, did the tourist thing (cheesy short video, live from the streets of Nashville) & bought cheesy stuff. Tricia got a truckers hat (picture below) and I got a pageboy style cap that I'm determined to wear more than just 3 times, like I do every other fashion accessory I own except my Yankees hat, cross, rings & nameplate. Afterwards, we hit up the Parthanon, which is a replica of the real thing. It was pretty freaking neat actually. I love that shit. I wanna go to Greece. And Italy. And Egypt. And lots of places with cool historical shit.

So we set off around 2:30ish & set off to make it to or as close to Roanoke, VA as we could. Around 5:30, we stopped near Knoxville, TN at a Sonic - my first ever. Also great. So now I can say I like 3 whole fast food establishments: In-N-Out Burger, Dairy Queen & Sonic. Thank God that I can't get them on LI. Or in NY, in general (the Po-town DQ doesn't count). All was going well until about 6:45pm, when we hit some traffic on Rt. 81N, just outside Knoxville. After the "NOW it feels like we're on the East Coast" jokes, we realize that we're not moving still. An hour goes by. We move up about 10 feet every 20 minutes or so. Suddenly, it's after 8pm. We're still about a 1/2 mile from where we first stopped. We had the car in park for a while. We did have fun in traffic: we made fun of the guy in the car in front of us for actually getting out of his car & walking a HALF MILE TO MCDONALDS, which we could see in the distance. He made it back with about an hour to spare, no joke. There's lots of "Colleen & Tricia delirious in traffic" videos. Though the most ridiculous part is as follows:

We spent the majority of our traffic time in the right lane. At one point, Tricia looks into the car that was next/diagnally behind us. All of a sudden, I hear: "OH MY GOD! SHE'S GIVING HIM A HAND JOB! RIGHT OUT IN THE OPEN! OH MY GOD!" So naturally, I look over & sure enough, there's some hanky panky goin' on. But it's dark, so we move onto other things. About an hour later (the time all blurs together though), Tricia nearly starts choking and almost screeches, "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! SHE'S UNDER A COAT ON HIS LAP! SHE'S UNDER A COAT ON HIS LAP! SHE'S TOTALLY GIVING HIM ROAD HEAD! THEY'RE NOT EVEN TRYING TO BE DISCREET! OH MY GOD!" So naturally, I look. Woah now. Yes, she was. Dude just had the best 2 hrs, 20 minutes of traffic of his life.

We actually found out towards the end that there was a 3 car crash with 3 fatalities. Sad. But at least we made the best of the wait. About 20 minutes before we started moving for good, we decided we were not in the mood for everything's silly time anymore & I busted out my laptop & we watched Van Wilder. It was after 9pm at this point & we were still like 350 miles from Roanoke & exhausted from the night before & the tenseness of the traffic. We crossed the border into VA & stayed at some hotel in Wyndsville (sp?) at around midnight. We woke up at 5am the next morning to try to make up for lost time.

Traffic is fun for the first 2 hours:


The McDonald's Run:


Photografias:

Best photo I've ever taken. And there's a very short, non-exciting video to accompany it.

I wanna be a cowgirl country girl for Halloween next year.

Country Music Hall of Fame: The George Strait/Johnny Cash lover's wet dream.
Tricia's newest fashion accessory.
The Parthanon. Anyone see Collins running naked through it?

It reads: Marriage. One man, one woman. Is Tennessee a red state?

Road Trip, Day 5 - Part 2: Trish, Coll & Jack Do Nashville

After checking in with Cassidy, who we get briefly pissed at for uninviting us to stay with her at UNC for what we still believe is NOT a valid reason, we're ready to go at around 7pm (we love you CJ but still). We get the boys in the lobby to give us a heads up on some places to eat & we're off. Tricia wanted ribs, so we head to Broadway, which is like the 7th/Times Square of Nashville. There's a long wait so we decide to just go get appetizers at a Honky-Tonk bar we see. This place was quintessential Nashville. Live country music band playing at a bar.

I texted Brian to tell him that we were in Nashville. Over the summer, we were talking about places we'd go back on vacation in a heartbeat if we could & he said that he'd go to Nashville. I was all, "Nashville?! Seriously? That's because you've never been to Hawaii or [tourist, non-dirty part of] Puerto Rico or Bermuda! Places with sun & beach always outrank touristy country music cities!" He was right, I'll admit it. Nashville = one hell of a good time. I want to go back for more than a night. Anyway, Brian tells us to go to some place called the Crazy Horse or something like that bc it's his favorite spot. It's really close by. We go, but there's a cover charge. We don't want to go inside the only bar in downtown Nashville with a cover.

So we decide to go to another bar across the street that has no cover charge. We walk in and there's randomly a sea of Balitmore Ravens fans, in town for the Titans game on Sunday. Tricia switches into "I'm from Baltimore, I went to Towson, I grew up in Federal Hill!" mode & starts comparing eateries & the like with them all as I concentrate on the utterly ridiculous picture text messages that Eddie & Julia are randomly sending me from a wedding they're at.

We order as we're talking to the legions of Ravens fans (I try to get in a "I was in Baltimore in April! I've been here & here & here!" but...no.) Tricia orders Jack on the rocks & I order Jack & coke. Apparently the bartenders in Nashville don't believe in pussy 6 ounce glasses that you get in NY. No, no. We get beer glass sized drinks. Tricia's is filled up three-quarters of the way. We look at each other (see picture below). We know it's all over.

We decide to just open up one tab & worry about working out who's buying which rounds later on. About 10 minutes later, the bartender comes over to us & says, "That guy over there took care of your tab." We glance down & see 2 goofy looking guys (NOT FUNNY LOOKING, but goofy as in "seeming like they had a sense of humor") who wave at us.

Oh, it gets better. The bartender continues, "He also has a message for you. He says he wants to storm your castle on his mighty steed."

Yeah, that's right. Dude quoted Anchorman to try to pick us up. HYSTERICAL. He comes over & asks us if that's the best line we've ever heard and we give him props for it. Then his friend comes over & we all start talking. We tell them that since the line was so great, we'll let them "tag along" with us the rest of the night. Tricia, to her credit, was up front with them both from the beginning that we were not going to hook up with them at all, but if they still wanted to hang out, they totally could; if not, then they could peace out.

We ended up going across the street to a karaoke bar, where more Jack Daniels was consumed by all. Tricia & I sang 3 songs: "Just a Girl," "Since U Been Gone," & "...Baby One More Time." Yeah, laugh it up. It was a lot of fun. There were a ton of Marines there, actually, much to Tricia's dismay ("Aaahhhhhh, I can't get away from them EVER!"). On a side note, at midnight it turned Nov. 11 - Cathy & Billy's anniversary. Trish & I privately toasted them bc it was important for us to remember them.

After almost 2 hours (I think?), we decide we're over this place. We head out to an 80's dance club, which was even funnier than the karaoke. It was definitely dirrrrrrtier, since there were lots of trashy people dancing to such great hits as "My Prerogative," "Billie Jean," etc al. The 4 of us danced, but much of it was dancing completely obnoxiously a la Sarah & Amanda at Darby's. We were there for about an hour & part ways with the guys. Tricia & I decide that food is our best bet, since we didn't really eat dinner & the only times I've ever gotten myself in trouble from drinking have consistantly been the only times I haven't eaten beforehand. We go to the local bar next to the Hilton that the boys from the hotel told us about. I think I took one bit of the chicken wrap we were splitting & decide know that it's not a good idea to eat right now. In fact, I got that sudden "Ok, I'm so done with tonight, I want to go home & sleep NOW" feeling. Tricia takes the wrap & mash potatos (& the bar's metal fork, of course) to go.

However, as we're walking back across the street, my genius friend remembers the promise that we could walk across the bridge drunk before we go back. She reminds me & suddenly, I'm so over wanting to go to sleep. Ah, isn't late-night public intoxication fun?

So finally, as promised at the start of the night, we made our way to the pedestrian bridge that our hotel room overlooked. And by "made our way," I mean "stumbled to". This is both the most embarrassing yet most ridiculously retarded video that we took this trip & it's here for your viewing (and mocking) pleasure:

We went back upstairs after this & I fell asleep instantly in the most comfortable bed I have ever slept in in my entire life. EVER.

Pictures! Wow! Exciting!

Night on the town? Ready, set, go.Yes, that is a glass of Jack on the rocks and only Jack on the rocks. The entire thing.
Consider us warned. Our new friend Justin, who liked Tucker Max & the same movies as Tricia.

Ohhhh I'm just a girl...

A night of drunken karaoke is not complete until you've done "Since U Been Gone". Duh.

Tricia & our new friends
So sexy; no wonder the boys loved us.
We love the 80's, it's our prerogative

Road Trip, Day 5 - Part 1: The Road to Nashville

Ok, so we're up to Friday. Friday was a long day & a crazy awesome night, so I'm breaking it up into 2 posts or else it'd be wicked reaaally long.

We got up around 6:30am in our little motel room in Checotah, OK & hit the road early. Our goal was to drive through the rest of OK, all through Arkansas & through half of Tennessee, ending up in Nashville for the night. We got through the rest of OK in probably about 4 hours, then drove the endless drive through AR. In typical Tricia fashion, she kept laughing to herself at a joke from some movie where the hero sucks at some training camp or wherever he is & there's this fat kid who has ulterior motivations for getting him to stick with the program (if anyone knows what the hell movie this is, let me know). The dialogue was something as follows:

Hero: Why do you want to help me so badly?

Fat Kid: You're my Arkansas.

Hero: What?

Fat Kid: Do you know what keeps Mississippi from being the worst state in the Union? Arkansas. You're my Arkansas. As long as you're around, no one will notice how bad I am.

Anyway, at around 10:30am, I decide that I'm hungry. We've been passing Dairy Queens at literally every exit in OK & AR. Being that ice cream is my ultimate favorite food ever, I decide that I need a Blizzard like Nicole Richie needs a hamburger. Since it's only 10:30am, we decide that we're going to wait til we get a few more exits til we stop. 3 more exits go by - No DQ. 6 more exits - nada. We cross the border into Memphis, thinking that at least we'll see a Starbucks, but still nothing. At this point, we've been up for hours & we're under-caffienated & hungry since we haven't eaten since 6pm. Still nothing. Finally, 260 miles after we say we're going to stop at the very next DQ, we FINALLY come across one, despite them being about 10 miles apart beforehand. Hooray for Pumpkin Blizzards & french fries:

So we finally get to Nashville around 4:30pm. We decide to check out a Hilton bc it's directly across the street from the Country Music Hall of Fame, next to Titans Stadium, a walking bridge, a giant concert hall, Broadway, etc. Basically it was prime downtown Nashville locale. I'm a little worried about the price since Tricia had said when she asked me to go with her that she'd pay for all the hotels & I don't want her to have to waste her $. She basically tells me to shut the fuck up, that we're in Nashville & we're going to do it up the right way. Word from the valets is that rooms are going to be $199. I'm like, "forget it" but Tricia makes an executive decision. We're just SO happy that we don't have to be in a car for at least the next 18 hours that we start talking to EVERYONE that works there. Now, you saw the video above. We're dirty & tired from 8 hours of car with only ice cream & french fries to eat all day. Plus, my hair was in 2 BRAIDS for God's sake. There was absolutely nothing attractive going on when we got to that Hilton.

We go up to the desk to check in but there's a small line. A clerk, Doug who was about 25, (yes, we learned all of their names) says that he'll take us over at his desk. We thank him. The rest goes as follows

Tricia: I have AAA card. Does that matter here?

Doug: I'll do you one better. The room is supposed to be $299 but I'll give it to you for $169.

Yeah. So we make friends with him, Daniel (the valet), the bellhop whose name I can't remember right now, one of the managers, etc. We had them show us on a map where we should go out that night. It was awesome. They all knew us & started to refer to us as the "NY-California duo." I know it sounds creepy, but it really wasn't. It's a totally different atmosphere than in NY. I can't describe it, really. Everyone was just very...friendly.

So the bellhop, who was from northern AR & doesn't really drink but was amused by our nonstop chatter regardless, shows us to our room. Except it wasn't a room. Noooooo, it was SUITE. THAT'S RIGHT, BITCHES! We got a suite at a freaking Hilton on a Friday night for almost half-price. It was awesome. So we get ready, I take lots of video in order to prove our nice the joint was & we're off for a night on the town. How did it turn out? To be continued...

The classiest Hilton I'll ever know:


The view:

Finally, some pictures:

Cotton fields. Inappropriate joke not included.

Do NOT mess with a woman's need for Dairy Queen.

Ah, now it finally feels like it should be a state where Bill Clinton is from.

Jesus loves you no matter what state you're in.

Cokesbury: Population Lindsay Lohan.